Posted by: janedb | September 23, 2014

Nightmare Continues.

As my consultants joke that nothing ever goes right for me, summer 2013 was a roller-coaster of emotions and pain. It had started with the lumber puncture then continued with bone marrow aspirates. I was in a cycle of bone marrow aspirate, positive result, ATRA tablets, bone marrow aspirate, negative result, ATRA tablets stopped, bone marrow aspirate, positive result, ATRA tablets. It is only recently that one of the consultants said to me that an error had been made, each time I was given ATRA tablets it put me in remission levels again so they were unable to make a decision to treat me.

After several months of this cycle I finally broke down when I had to see a Registrar and not one of the consultants, I wanted to be treated again so I could move past this and get on with life again. She got one of the consultants to see me, but I was back on the cycle again. I did however get put forward for the psycho-oncology service and my Citalopram was upped from 20mg to 40mg which helped with the feeling of having no control over my life. There is no possibility of planning as you have no idea what you will be told each time you are in clinic. It was hard to keep the dark clouds at bay, keep happy for my boys, and yet have no idea if I would have a future.

The psychologist was very helpful and I am grateful for the referral, without their help, reminding me that my feelings were normal under the circumstances I was in. No one should have to face leukaemia, let alone repossession of a house, and various organisations chasing me for debts that were not mine but my ex’s. Looking back I am not surprised I became severely depressed with what I was coping with and that I had no one to confide in. I am careful how much I let my parents know because of their ages, both are in their 80’s, but although they look much younger I am careful not to pass on stress to them.

Finally on September 12 2013 I got the news that they would treat me again, this time with Arsenic Trioxide. An appointment was made for a PICC line (peripherally inserted central catheters)  to be inserted, blood test to be taken and the first dose of arsenic on Monday 16th September.

Illustration of a PICC lineThis was my second PICC line as I had had one when I was first diagnosed and was needle phobic. Now I needed one as my veins were so bad it was difficult for blood to be taken let alone a cannula.

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